Yes, I’m referring to the unique privilege of Holy Matrimony, better known as marriage. Recently, my wife and I took advantage of a beautiful pre-Spring day, and sat together on the front porch. Here we were, two old folks rocking away and reminiscing about the precious relationship we’ve enjoyed for almost 55 years. We could only thank God for His faithfulness through the many experiences which have repeatedly challenged our original vows.
We remembered well the two “starry-eyed kids” standing at the altar, listening to the minister’s charge: “In sickness and in health; in joy and in sorrow; for richer or for poorer, ‘til death do you part.” Wow, how little did we understand or anticipate what was up ahead.
Chris and I were married on June15, 1957, and soon were living in Greenville , SC
This experience was a challenge indeed, and set the pace for the course of our relationship. We learned to live on next to nothing, and still be content. It was amazing what Chris could make from canned biscuits. We had no idea that we were “poor” or sub poverty. We were committed to each other and our faith---what else was more important?
This is not to infer that life was a picnic---not by a long shot. But we decided early on that we would respect each other’s personality, realizing that two different people could work together in harmony. Yes, we are different, for sure; but our personalities have only clashed when our hearts were not on the “same page.” We have learned to “read” each other, and communicate non-verbally. It’s not uncommon to travel for hours with out “verbalizing;” yet, one glance or a hand grasp speaks volumes. This has really expressed our intimacy, conveyed by inner “vibes.”
Needless to say, we have had those times of tension and disagreement, just short of arguing. What do you do? Well, one or both of us had to come clean and apologize. We became more sensitive to hurting each other, and faced it accordingly. To admit wrong-doing, accompanied by a heart-felt “I’m sorry,” has been vital. Keeping short accounts, and dealing with problems up front, have kept us sane and civil.
We’ve tried not to “let the sun go down on our wrath,” or go to sleep mad. Personally, I counted many a ceiling block before getting things right. To hold things back only causes resentment and bitterness. Pride is a terrible thing, and probably the root cause of marital separation and divorce. Problems can be solved, if we humble ourselves before God and each other.
The arena of child-rearing is a history all of its own. We had four children, each one being a unique blessing and challenge. As a minister, the temptation was to get involved with other people’s families, and neglect my own. Maintaining priorities has not been easy. Years ago, someone gave me the plaque saying, “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” That challenged me to the core.
It’s no secret that we’ve been through deep water and multiple trials along the way. Things have happened that have not only caused us to “climb the wall,” but could have easily taken us “over the edge.” This is where two are better than one. Our togetherness gave us strength to move through tough situations. We didn’t have to face the “fire” alone. The loss of our 20 year old grandson to Leukemia is a case in point. Another vital lesson has been making right choices apart from feelings. We found that love is not primarily a matter of emotion, but a commitment of the will. This in no way is down-playing the necessity of romance in marriage, but eventually the “honeymoon” is over, and reality sets in. I have had to choose to love my wife and children, when my feelings didn’t cooperate. It’s great to “feel” good, for sure, but not at the cost of doing right.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention a verse that has steered our 55 year-old journey. It says, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God
This journey has been a “blessed battle” for Chris and me. Everyday has been a new challenge, but also a new lease on life. I’m grateful for our mutual love which has filled our hearts with joy and purpose. Even at this sunset stage, we cherish each day as another opportunity to serve others. While the ol’ bodies are aching a bit, we’re thankful for the happy contentment within our hearts.
In a day when marriage is being attacked and/or redefined, we highly recommend this beautiful institution. What a great “ride” we have enjoyed together, despite the bumps and pot holes along the way. We would do it again, but hopefully with more “gusto” and fewer mistakes.
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